Certain sights inspire a collective joy in humanity. A new baby’s smile, the sunrise over a lake and I feel that I can confidently include the sight of a sign declaring “Sale-additional 50% off” in that list. We love sales. Across all cultures, whether it be the Netherlands or Mexico the same delightful expression is visible when people come across real bargains. And I don’t think it’s about getting something for nothing—it’s about getting real value for your money. But when is a sale not really a sale?
When I researched bogus sales, the news was full of attorneys general bringing charges against surprisingly well known chain stores. N.Y. attorney general Elliot Sptizer’s office brought charges against one major retailer from Pennsylvania stating “sale prices did not represent a discount from the price for which the item generally sold.” It was all a lie in that case. The news ads, the fliers, the cute little signs-untrue.
Common sense dictates that the best way to know if it’s really a sale is to comparison shop, especially if it’s an important purchase. While nobody wants to run all over the place comparing prices, educating yourself by looking at consumer reports or other information sites, can give you a basis for how much to pay. Yet most of us just plunk down our money relying on the “sale” sign.
You’d be surprised at how honest some of the sales people can be in a store. We were within seconds of buying a computer when I asked the young man demonstrating, if he would buy this computer for the price. He hesitated long enough to arouse our suspicions and then admitted that we could do better elsewhere.
Perhaps one of the best experts on smart purchasing is my mother-in-law. “You know when a sale isn’t a sale? When you don’t need it. Like “Hey Imelda, another pair of black shoes? Why? forty isn’t enough?” She also points out that very trendy items purchased at the end of the season will be out of style before you can really use it. If you’re at the start of the season and an item is discounted 20%, well that’s not really a sale to her.
If you have to drive across town (are we there yet? No, another hour but we’ll save $2.50), pay for parking and use your time up—not a sale. If the shipping costs are high the item isn’t really on sale in that case either.
Jewelry is a frequently “discounted” item. While some department stores do offer loss leaders and a few good deals, most people in the know advise going downtown to the places that deal in wholesale and also sell to the public. Such is not the case for the individual jewelers who offer artistic, unusual items. You many want to frequent those stores not for a good deal, but for other reasons. While they don’t advertise sales, you can always ask if something is going to go on sale. You don’t want to take advantage of smaller stores, but they would often rather be asked and work with you than have you leave without buying. What’s most important to know is that when a husband doesn’t research and overspends on jewelry, no matter how frugal you are, take it and smile graciously.
Then there are the stores where the “sale” sign is dusty, wedged permanently in between two items in the window. While there’s probably no real “sale” on, it often indicates the owner’s willingness to discount specifics. More sinister is the “Going Out of Business” sign that you’ve passed through three seasons now. Even the real liquidation sales are often overpriced.
When a woman misjudges a sale, the result is usually an extra blouse or two that aren’t worn. Not to be gender biased, but (you always know it can’t end up good when a sentence begins that way) when men misjudge a sale, the result is often that computers, large screens, unwieldy machinery or furniture will clutter the house. “Oh wow honey, it can till the soil and tell us the time in Tibet? Well, I guess we can build a shed for it.” Some families have an agreement to check with one another on purchases over a certain amount. Others just resign themselves to finding a monster truck in the driveway sometimes. One couple actually have an account for “great deals.” Each spouse can use it in turn and all items must fit in the closet.
Most legitimate stores will hold an item at least overnight. If you’re subjected to high pressure sales techniques, resist. You can probably find the same thing someplace else.
If it’s a higher quality than you need, or has bells and whistles you won’t use, it’s not really a sale for you. Only you can judge.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Retail Therapy
People who love shopping often refer to it as their “retail therapy.” To find out about the psychological aspects of shopping, I turned to Dr. Hindie Klein. Besides being a real life psychoanalyst, Dr. Klein is a lifelong shopping enthusiast with a minor in great antique deals.
Q. Is shopping meeting an emotional need for some people?
A. Shopping meets a real need for some people. In analytic terms, the objects they want become a substitute for other needs. I believe, I’ve seen, that when people aren’t nurtured and loved in a real emotional way from early childhood, they substitute that need for things that represent the love and nurturing. They buy and buy…it’s at the root of a lot of activities like gambling. When the need for love is not met, the void is filled with objects.
Q. Makes sense for some people. What about those shoppers who just like getting stuff?
A. It depends what you’re talking about. There are people who are just more aesthetic. They appreciate beauty and want to surround themselves with exquisite objects for the pleasure of it. As long as they aren’t pathological, it’s fine. When they’re spending all of the family’s money or just binge buying a bunch of things they don’t even need, well that’s pathological. In fact, that manic buying is one red flag for bipolar when we make a clinical diagnosis.
Q. Uh Oh. Are you going to label me for that extra purse I bought that I didn’t REALLy need?
A. Ha. We’re talking about extreme shopping…the impulse purchase of a car for no reason.
Q. Half the husbands will say their wives don’t really need to shop. That they’re just out looking, for the sport of it.
A. One good way for married couples to develop empathy is to understand the experience of the other. That’s how she relaxes. If he likes to relax playing basketball he needs to respect that his wife’s way of relaxing is to browse the clothing shops. The feelings of needing to relax are the same.
How would he feel if someone said, “Well, just stop that. You don’t need go play basketball.”
What’s a healthy way to enjoy the recreation of shopping?
A. Well, you need to realistically know what you can spend before you start. If you set a budget you don’t feel deprived later. Take the shopping impulse and turn it into a hobby.
For example, I’ve learned to love antiquing. Find a passion and educate yourself about it. Some of the antique shows are better than museums and just looking at the interesting things is rewarding. A breakfront from the fifteenth century that I can’t afford to buy is still fun to look at. Make a day of it if you can. Go somewhere new; make an adventure of it if you can. We go up to the country, and the ride and scenery become part of the whole experience. Invite your spouse now and then. Try some new shopping experiences like auctions or trade shows.
So the fact that shopping meets a need for nurturing, or becomes a passion or way of relaxing, can be beneficial.
Right. I think it was the Rambam, Maimonides who said “everything in moderation.”
So the fur coat you hid from your mother-in-law that she found in my closet one day and that started that whole big thing with your husband pretending he’d bought it for you in a fabulous Shabbos drama that the children kept insisting wasn’t true, would that be moderation or excess?
A. Haa!!!
Q. Is shopping meeting an emotional need for some people?
A. Shopping meets a real need for some people. In analytic terms, the objects they want become a substitute for other needs. I believe, I’ve seen, that when people aren’t nurtured and loved in a real emotional way from early childhood, they substitute that need for things that represent the love and nurturing. They buy and buy…it’s at the root of a lot of activities like gambling. When the need for love is not met, the void is filled with objects.
Q. Makes sense for some people. What about those shoppers who just like getting stuff?
A. It depends what you’re talking about. There are people who are just more aesthetic. They appreciate beauty and want to surround themselves with exquisite objects for the pleasure of it. As long as they aren’t pathological, it’s fine. When they’re spending all of the family’s money or just binge buying a bunch of things they don’t even need, well that’s pathological. In fact, that manic buying is one red flag for bipolar when we make a clinical diagnosis.
Q. Uh Oh. Are you going to label me for that extra purse I bought that I didn’t REALLy need?
A. Ha. We’re talking about extreme shopping…the impulse purchase of a car for no reason.
Q. Half the husbands will say their wives don’t really need to shop. That they’re just out looking, for the sport of it.
A. One good way for married couples to develop empathy is to understand the experience of the other. That’s how she relaxes. If he likes to relax playing basketball he needs to respect that his wife’s way of relaxing is to browse the clothing shops. The feelings of needing to relax are the same.
How would he feel if someone said, “Well, just stop that. You don’t need go play basketball.”
What’s a healthy way to enjoy the recreation of shopping?
A. Well, you need to realistically know what you can spend before you start. If you set a budget you don’t feel deprived later. Take the shopping impulse and turn it into a hobby.
For example, I’ve learned to love antiquing. Find a passion and educate yourself about it. Some of the antique shows are better than museums and just looking at the interesting things is rewarding. A breakfront from the fifteenth century that I can’t afford to buy is still fun to look at. Make a day of it if you can. Go somewhere new; make an adventure of it if you can. We go up to the country, and the ride and scenery become part of the whole experience. Invite your spouse now and then. Try some new shopping experiences like auctions or trade shows.
So the fact that shopping meets a need for nurturing, or becomes a passion or way of relaxing, can be beneficial.
Right. I think it was the Rambam, Maimonides who said “everything in moderation.”
So the fur coat you hid from your mother-in-law that she found in my closet one day and that started that whole big thing with your husband pretending he’d bought it for you in a fabulous Shabbos drama that the children kept insisting wasn’t true, would that be moderation or excess?
A. Haa!!!
Saving To Spend
It’s fun to consider what we can do when we shop smart and save. The fun is considerable when we realize we’ve sacrificed nothing in terms of quality, but rather made our purchases with some thought and maybe a little effort. What we do with those savings is up to us. Here are a few illustrations:
“Sara” buys new balance sneakers for her family of six. She travels thirty minutes to an outlet store where she knows the deal is “two pairs for seventy dollars.” The shoes would regularly retail for a whopping ninety dollars a pair. There’s tremendous social pressure on her children to have name brand sneakers and Sara feels the shoes hold up well. So she feels it’s a true savings of three-hundred thirty dollars each year. So by going out of her way and taking an hour ride up to the outlet store she saves three-hundred thirty dollars year. The money is added to a mutual fund and over the course of her children’s growing years (let’s say sixteen years) she will have 5,280 dollars from this one strategy alone. The straight interest assumed conservatively at six percent will yield her an additional three-hundred sixteen dollars and change.
Tiffany can’t imagine schlepping up to Delray Florida to save a few hundred dollars and put it into a mutual fund. But she perks up when she realizes that the sneaker savings of 330 dollars can pay for her:
A) Trip to visit a relative
B) forty-seven movie theater tickets
C) twenty-seven tubes of designer lipstick
D) Full spa day including massage, facial, and extras
E) bi-monthly manicures for eleven months
F) Four date nights with her husband at a lovely restaurant
Henry likes to dress well. He also likes to travel and collect antiques. In order to be able to afford the designer labels he prefers, he buys classic designs at the end of year clearance sale, held at stores such as Neiman Marcus. He pays six-hundred dollars for an eleven-hundred dollar Armani suit, eight-hundred dollars for a Cashmere Brioni sport jacket that was previously twenty-one hundred dollars. This year though Henry decided to do something daring when he suspected that the sport jacket he liked wouldn’t sell. He waited and visited one of the Neiman Marcus outlet stores, this one at the popular tourist destination, The Sawgrass Mills, in Florida. There he found the jacket, marked down an additional fifty percent. Henry was willing to spend eight hundred dollars for the coat, so his four hundred dollar savings are genuine. His five hundred dollar savings on the suit is questionable since we don’t know if he would really buy the suit were it not on sale. Let’s call it a seven hundred dollar savings. This is enough for his round trip ticket to London and, with some miles, an upgrade into first class.
Sheila used to spend thousands on clothes. She tried finding the things she liked at lower end stores but that just didn’t work for her. Then she learned that at the end of the season, the outfits she coveted in the department stores were sent to places like Ross, Marshalls, and Loehmanns. So, making frequent trips to check the ever changing merchandise, Sheila realized she could save a great deal of money without the inconvenience of a long drive to the outlet malls. A jeans skirt which cost $37 originally, could be had for $15. That one purchase saved $22.00
If Sheila typically buys five items each month, saving about $110 monthly, she saves roughly $1,320 a year simply by switching shopping strategies.
Over ten years she would have over thirteen thousand dollars saved.
“Sara” buys new balance sneakers for her family of six. She travels thirty minutes to an outlet store where she knows the deal is “two pairs for seventy dollars.” The shoes would regularly retail for a whopping ninety dollars a pair. There’s tremendous social pressure on her children to have name brand sneakers and Sara feels the shoes hold up well. So she feels it’s a true savings of three-hundred thirty dollars each year. So by going out of her way and taking an hour ride up to the outlet store she saves three-hundred thirty dollars year. The money is added to a mutual fund and over the course of her children’s growing years (let’s say sixteen years) she will have 5,280 dollars from this one strategy alone. The straight interest assumed conservatively at six percent will yield her an additional three-hundred sixteen dollars and change.
Tiffany can’t imagine schlepping up to Delray Florida to save a few hundred dollars and put it into a mutual fund. But she perks up when she realizes that the sneaker savings of 330 dollars can pay for her:
A) Trip to visit a relative
B) forty-seven movie theater tickets
C) twenty-seven tubes of designer lipstick
D) Full spa day including massage, facial, and extras
E) bi-monthly manicures for eleven months
F) Four date nights with her husband at a lovely restaurant
Henry likes to dress well. He also likes to travel and collect antiques. In order to be able to afford the designer labels he prefers, he buys classic designs at the end of year clearance sale, held at stores such as Neiman Marcus. He pays six-hundred dollars for an eleven-hundred dollar Armani suit, eight-hundred dollars for a Cashmere Brioni sport jacket that was previously twenty-one hundred dollars. This year though Henry decided to do something daring when he suspected that the sport jacket he liked wouldn’t sell. He waited and visited one of the Neiman Marcus outlet stores, this one at the popular tourist destination, The Sawgrass Mills, in Florida. There he found the jacket, marked down an additional fifty percent. Henry was willing to spend eight hundred dollars for the coat, so his four hundred dollar savings are genuine. His five hundred dollar savings on the suit is questionable since we don’t know if he would really buy the suit were it not on sale. Let’s call it a seven hundred dollar savings. This is enough for his round trip ticket to London and, with some miles, an upgrade into first class.
Sheila used to spend thousands on clothes. She tried finding the things she liked at lower end stores but that just didn’t work for her. Then she learned that at the end of the season, the outfits she coveted in the department stores were sent to places like Ross, Marshalls, and Loehmanns. So, making frequent trips to check the ever changing merchandise, Sheila realized she could save a great deal of money without the inconvenience of a long drive to the outlet malls. A jeans skirt which cost $37 originally, could be had for $15. That one purchase saved $22.00
If Sheila typically buys five items each month, saving about $110 monthly, she saves roughly $1,320 a year simply by switching shopping strategies.
Over ten years she would have over thirteen thousand dollars saved.
Thrifty Party Planning
We left the caterer’s office pale and trembling. We both needed a drink after receiving the estimated cost of the party we wanted to throw for my in-laws’ fiftieth wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, we don’t drink. So we settled for coffee cake and Starbucks, trying to quell our anxiety with—coffee.
“What are they, crazy?” my husband wondered aloud.
“Maybe the chicken fricassee will be served on fourteen carat gold plates,” I said.
“What in the world is chicken fricassee anyway? What part of the chicken is that?”
The caterer’s estimate was for many thousands of dollars and didn’t include the entertainment, flowers or any liquor we might want to serve. There had to be a better way, we agreed, to host fifty of our parent’s friends for an elegant evening.
The key here was elegant evening. We though about having it at home. The problem with that was that our home’s décor, which could best be described as, “early childhood”, didn’t seem to lend itself to elegant evening. Still, we wondered, with a little attention to detail, couldn’t we make our guests so very comfortable and happy that the party would be, if not completely elegant, than memorable and fun?
To that end we considered how best to host a party with lots of “wow” factor and still save money. Some of these ideas and tips can be modified for entertaining, or for celebration. For convenience’s sake, I’ll address each area of party planning in its category.
1. The Setting:
Free is good when it comes to settings. A party at home has a certain warmth and friendliness that is unparalleled. But you can easily go crazy once it hits you that your home is going to be viewed by lots of people. The late Erma Bombeck once wrote about her mistake in ironing a lone handkerchief she’d found under a coffee table. By the end of the week the coffee table had been replaced, the laundry room redone and I think the article closed with her scraping wallpaper from the living room walls. So if you think inviting people home will have you spending thousands on decorating, consider other good places like: your parent’s home, a wealthy friend’s home, parks which, when reserved in advance can be had for a small fee, yours or a friend’s condominium party room, or a conference room at a local business hotel.
2. Fire and Flowers
Once you have your setting, follow the advice of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners.
She advises that the key to any party is flowers and fire. Literally this means to scatter candles or torches about and fling flowers wherever you can. Figuratively, she explains that it’s good to invite people who are in love and flowery, as well as people who might not see eye to eye on things-and there’s your fire.
For our garden party we bought simple wicker torches at the Home Depot but supplemented with torches and candles purchased at Smart and Final, an odd lots store that caters to smaller restaurants. Dollar stores had all the candles we could want, at a fraction of the price charged by upscale stores.
There is an almost obscene difference in flower prices depending on where you live in the country. The same roses that I can buy on a street corner in Miami (where, admittedly, you can buy all sorts of things at a discount-many of them narcotics) will cost literally ten times more if purchased in Baltimore. For the frugal minded flowers represent the worst sort of waste and indulgence. So they go to great lengths to substitute. I’ve attended parties where people tried to save money by making centerpieces out of Styrofoam and plastic thingies. The effect was trailer- park- meets –Toucan- Sam- from- the- frootloops- box, and it just looked sad. I agree with the party divas when they insist on flowers. But how to save? How? How?
Flower shops don’t sell discount “day old” in our area and they looked at us like we were panhandling when we asked. (I’d do that over the phone next time). I had already called our regular florist to just order up the arrangements when my frugal friend Debbie threw herself in front of my credit card screaming noooo. Her brave display was touching but she had real info. There was a new flower place and it sold orchids. She had asked and they would, at no charge, make an arrangement for you using orchids and your own container. Older orchids were a third of the cost.
Moral of the story: new stores are anxious to get you for a customer and are open to these suggestions. Older flowers are less expensive, despite the sneers and jeers of some stores it seems, so go ahead and ask.
My friend disclosed that she had picked up free flower arrangements from the catering hall in her area the day before her last party. She called a week before and explained that she was cost conscious, but wanted flowers for her party. The caterer, like most people in the entertainment industry, respected her honesty. She offered to pay a small fee for left over flowers. He confided that he just throws them away once the party is over. Early Sunday morning found her at the catering hall, carting away gorgeous arrangements only hours old.
If you do end up using a florist though, there is one frugal way to get more for your money. After the party, take the flowers to your local hospital or nursing home and have your children deliver them to residents or recuperating patients. The pleasure you’ll give and the lesson imparted: priceless.
“What are they, crazy?” my husband wondered aloud.
“Maybe the chicken fricassee will be served on fourteen carat gold plates,” I said.
“What in the world is chicken fricassee anyway? What part of the chicken is that?”
The caterer’s estimate was for many thousands of dollars and didn’t include the entertainment, flowers or any liquor we might want to serve. There had to be a better way, we agreed, to host fifty of our parent’s friends for an elegant evening.
The key here was elegant evening. We though about having it at home. The problem with that was that our home’s décor, which could best be described as, “early childhood”, didn’t seem to lend itself to elegant evening. Still, we wondered, with a little attention to detail, couldn’t we make our guests so very comfortable and happy that the party would be, if not completely elegant, than memorable and fun?
To that end we considered how best to host a party with lots of “wow” factor and still save money. Some of these ideas and tips can be modified for entertaining, or for celebration. For convenience’s sake, I’ll address each area of party planning in its category.
1. The Setting:
Free is good when it comes to settings. A party at home has a certain warmth and friendliness that is unparalleled. But you can easily go crazy once it hits you that your home is going to be viewed by lots of people. The late Erma Bombeck once wrote about her mistake in ironing a lone handkerchief she’d found under a coffee table. By the end of the week the coffee table had been replaced, the laundry room redone and I think the article closed with her scraping wallpaper from the living room walls. So if you think inviting people home will have you spending thousands on decorating, consider other good places like: your parent’s home, a wealthy friend’s home, parks which, when reserved in advance can be had for a small fee, yours or a friend’s condominium party room, or a conference room at a local business hotel.
2. Fire and Flowers
Once you have your setting, follow the advice of Judith Martin, aka Miss Manners.
She advises that the key to any party is flowers and fire. Literally this means to scatter candles or torches about and fling flowers wherever you can. Figuratively, she explains that it’s good to invite people who are in love and flowery, as well as people who might not see eye to eye on things-and there’s your fire.
For our garden party we bought simple wicker torches at the Home Depot but supplemented with torches and candles purchased at Smart and Final, an odd lots store that caters to smaller restaurants. Dollar stores had all the candles we could want, at a fraction of the price charged by upscale stores.
There is an almost obscene difference in flower prices depending on where you live in the country. The same roses that I can buy on a street corner in Miami (where, admittedly, you can buy all sorts of things at a discount-many of them narcotics) will cost literally ten times more if purchased in Baltimore. For the frugal minded flowers represent the worst sort of waste and indulgence. So they go to great lengths to substitute. I’ve attended parties where people tried to save money by making centerpieces out of Styrofoam and plastic thingies. The effect was trailer- park- meets –Toucan- Sam- from- the- frootloops- box, and it just looked sad. I agree with the party divas when they insist on flowers. But how to save? How? How?
Flower shops don’t sell discount “day old” in our area and they looked at us like we were panhandling when we asked. (I’d do that over the phone next time). I had already called our regular florist to just order up the arrangements when my frugal friend Debbie threw herself in front of my credit card screaming noooo. Her brave display was touching but she had real info. There was a new flower place and it sold orchids. She had asked and they would, at no charge, make an arrangement for you using orchids and your own container. Older orchids were a third of the cost.
Moral of the story: new stores are anxious to get you for a customer and are open to these suggestions. Older flowers are less expensive, despite the sneers and jeers of some stores it seems, so go ahead and ask.
My friend disclosed that she had picked up free flower arrangements from the catering hall in her area the day before her last party. She called a week before and explained that she was cost conscious, but wanted flowers for her party. The caterer, like most people in the entertainment industry, respected her honesty. She offered to pay a small fee for left over flowers. He confided that he just throws them away once the party is over. Early Sunday morning found her at the catering hall, carting away gorgeous arrangements only hours old.
If you do end up using a florist though, there is one frugal way to get more for your money. After the party, take the flowers to your local hospital or nursing home and have your children deliver them to residents or recuperating patients. The pleasure you’ll give and the lesson imparted: priceless.
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